


Legacy of Glitches

by Lancre_witch



Category: Legacy of Kain
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2019-10-10 16:06:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17429117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lancre_witch/pseuds/Lancre_witch
Summary: Remember when the characters finding their book/movie was a fairly popular fic genre? Do you wish someone had done a lok one? Me neither, but this exists now.





	1. Chapter 1

The peace of the mansion was shattered by an agonised scream. This was not exactly unusual in any house which contained both Kain and Vorador, but this sounded like- "Raziel?" Janos called.

Kain's sword was already drawn as he kicked the door open to find Raziel glaring at the screen in front of him. The image thereon depicted a scene which had played out centuries ago.

"There was only one possible outcome – my eternal damnation..." It was not a perfect reproduction, but the events themselves were unmistakable.

"What is this, Raziel?" he asked as the monologue continued.

"A game I found on Steam. The icon looked suspiciously similar to my own visage. It appears that it was meant to."

"Steam? Did you hurt yourself?"

Janos was ignored as the grainy tragedy on the screen played itself out.

"One of Moebius' tricks?" Kain suggested over the voice of Tony Jay calling for his annihilation.

Raziel shrugged and made the virtual wraith run around in a circle, attack a pillar, and then jump around it. "There is only one way of finding out."

A quarter of an hour later, Kain tired of seeing Raziel repeatedly fall off the same ledge.

"Give that here." He snatched the controller from him and proceeded to run straight off the edge.

"Try pressing jump," Raziel suggested helpfully.

After watching Kain and Raziel bicker their way through the underworld, Janos felt he had some idea what was going on. He held his hand out for the controller. "May I?"

Raziel passed it over during yet another cutscene.

Janos almost dropped the thing on his foot when it vibrated, before getting a hold on himself and the control stick, and tried to make Raziel walk towards the Sanctuary of Clans. The wraith turned out to be about as cooperative as he was in real life and promptly ran face first into a wall.

"Erm... how do I... oh dear, no that's not it..."

A sort of pitying silence descended as Janos tried to convince the sprite to do anything but run into the wall. Kain, after prying the controller out of his unresisting hands, increased the list of possibilities to 'run into wall' and 'attack the wall'.

The silence deepened.

Eventually Raziel sighed and restarted the game.


	2. Chapter 2

Razielim territory was passed through with nothing more than a flinch from Raziel and Kain receiving a dirty look from Janos for the slaughter of thousands. The same couldn't be said for the Melchiahim.

"They're _shooting_ at me now?!"

"That was a human."

"Oh. Oops."

*

"Raziel, you've been running around in circles for five minutes. Either hit your brother or pass over the controller."

Janos looked concerned. "Should you be advocating for that sort of thing?"

"It doesn't work," Raziel snapped, ignoring him. "Watch."

He ran up to the polygonal behemoth and attacked, earning a laugh from the virtual Melchiah.

"See?"

Kain grabbed the controller and started mashing the attack button like a thing possessed. He growled when one swipe of Melchiah's hand sent him into the spectral realm, but continued as if he were fighting for his own life.

Less than thirty seconds later he dropped the controller in a huff.

"Congratulations, Kain, you killed us."

When they were back in the circular chamber, Janos pointed at a group of pixels that didn't look any different to any others to Raziel and said, "Try jumping up there."

"Pull the lever!"

Raziel gave Kain a look. "Thank you. I would never have thought of that without your input."

"Oh hell, I trapped him in here!"

"Get out! Get out!"

They only stopped shouting at each other when the cutscene was triggered. Janos cringed and looked away.

"Is that going to happen again?"

"Graphic yet pixilated murder? At least another three, I believe."

Janos frowned then clasped his hands together. "What next."

"Next I beat up Kain."

Raziel found himself back in the underworld for the fifth time.

"Correction: next we get lost."

*

Vorador heard the laughter even from the dining room. Never one to pass up free entertainment, he wandered off in search of the source.

Raziel was creased on the sofa still cackling, Janos' shoulders were shaking and he had one hand over his mouth, and Kain looked like he was resisting the urge to smash the computer screen.

"The Abyss has not been kind but neither have the graphics."

Vorador snorted. "Is that supposed to be Kain and Raziel?"

"The voice acting is very good," Janos said as Raziel cursed quietly.

Vorador took up residence on the arm beside him. "What happens now?"

"I'm supposed to hit the bastard - _fuck_ \- but he keeps bloody teleporting."

"Let me try. I'd love to hit Kain in the face."

Vorador grumbled to himself as he wrestled with controls unsuited to clawed hands. After leaving a few gouges in the plastic and a final, triumphant 'ha!', he was rewarded with another blocky cutscene.

Janos tutted. "First the Pillars, then the Reaver. Kain, please stop destroying important cultural artefacts."

"And the second time he broke the Reaver," Raziel added helpfully.

"Don't forget the Nexus Stone," Vorador said, handing the controller back to Raziel.

"Where are we going next?" Kain said hurriedly.


	3. Chapter 3

Raziel squeaked then cleared his throat in embarrassment.

"Ahem." He mashed the X button, hitting his target maybe once for every three swipes of his claws. His opponent was not so sloppy. "No. Stop. Please."

"It may aid you to look at the screen."

"I do not require your help, Kain."

The Zephonim lunged at him again. Raziel flinched.

"I would appreciate it if these creatures stopped dropping off the ceiling."

Another bite sent him to the spectral realm and he passed the controller to Kain.

Five minutes of flipping blocks later, Kain grunted and passed it to Janos. The puzzle progressed somewhat quicker after that, and the next area lay open to them.

"Should that spider be doing that? Is he alright?" Janos walked over to one of the Zephonim which had apparently got itself stuck to the floor.

"It means one less to fight. Just leave it."

"We ought to help him."

"Janos, that's very sweet, but this is a game," Raziel explained patiently, "and not a very stable one at that. Leave it and try to find the next valve."

It was almost half an hour before Janos dropped the controller in a thankfully deserted web lined corridor. "Thank goodness that's over."

"A long creepy corridor which took a lot of getting to means there is going to be a boss at the end of it. Kain?" Raziel passed the controller across, anticipating his sire's reaction to his second youngest son.

Several minutes later, there was still silence in the gaming room. Raziel filled it.

"Zephon is disgusting."

Janos pointed to the right. "I think the way out is that way."

Kain ignored him.

"No, please don't."

Kain had found the incapacitated Zephonim lying where he was before, and now proceeded to hit it with the Reaver. The spider immediately jumped upright and started attacking him.

"There," he said dryly. "Has that helped it to your satisfaction?"

"A cruel sire you are, waking him from his nap, only to cleave his soul, sending your own progeny to oblivion."

Janos sighed. "Can we leave now?"


	4. Chapter 4

"Raziel, we may be directionally misplaced, but it would aid you to go somewhere."

"It would. If you could inform the game of that, I would be much obliged."

"Meaning?"

"He's stuck on the rock."

Kain held out his hand.

Several seconds of button mashing later he conceded defeat.

"We should make a habit of saving more often. This game is as flawed as Nosgoth herself."

"And you did the real world equivalent of switching it off and back on again. Do paradoxes count as different save files?" Raziel mused as he restarted the game.

"No comment."

Another cutscene and Raziel shifted uncomfortably. "What a fool I was to think my former self _noble_." He spat the word and glared intently at the screen, doing his best to evade the wraith that chased him along the tunnels beneath the tomb.

"We have all been fools, Raziel," Kain said in what was, for him, a conciliatory tone. "But right now I believe wisdom lies in ceasing to run in circles."

"This labyrinth is difficult to navigate. If I could leave then I would."

"Labyrinth," Kain repeated doubtfully. "Jump up on your left... now."

Raziel did so. As he looked around, it slowly dawned on him that he had been running a circuit around the same square platform for at least two minutes. Completely refusing to acknowledge this out loud, he shifted back to the material realm and triggered yet another cutscene.

"Was that intended to be a boss battle?" Kain asked as Morlock splashed into the water barely thirty seconds after the fight started.

"Possibly. Either way, I can move blocks with my mind now."

"Push block, pull block, telekinetically manipulate block," Kain grumbled. "Is there any part of this game that does not center around moving blocks?"

"The parts that focus on fratricide and filicide?"

"Speaking of which, that is the third time you have run past that Dumahim. Either kill it or leave."

"I would if I could find the exit."

Kain watched with diminishing patience as Raziel continued to blunder through the underground rooms without direction.

"I understand why Janos got bored of this game," he muttered.

"If you wish to take over, you are more than welcome," Raziel snapped.

Kain held his hand out for the controller.

Ten minutes later, they were in Rahabim territory listening to another lecture from the Elder God.

"Show off," Raziel muttered.


	5. Chapter 5

"Kain, for the last time that grate just takes you back outside."

"If you can come up with a better suggestion I am willing to take it on board."

"I don't know."

"Then I may as well try this."

"Kain, you- oh." Raziel groaned as they completed thier umpteenth circuit of Rahabim territory without any meaningful results.

Kain handed the controller back. "I charge you to do better this time."

Vorador placed his drink on a side table and sat down next to him. "I see your combined reasoning skills are still challenged by a game intended for young mortals. How does that feel, I wonder?"

"And I suppose you could do better," Raziel snapped.

"It would take greater skill to do worse." He took the controller and spent a few moments pressing buttons at random to re-familiarise himself with the control scheme.

Vorador nodded to himself, satisfied. Within minutes he had found the platform both Raziel and Kain had missed on their previous dozen attempts.

The smug look lasted all of thirty seconds before he missed a jump and fell into the water below.

"Here we go again," Raziel muttered.

*

After much platforming and cursing, Rahab was defeated. Raziel perked up.

"I think I know where to go now."

Kain sighed. "History has shown that you don't."

"Watch," he said, and confidently directed his polygonal self down an underwater tunnel near the Lake of the Dead.

"You see? This is definitely a new location. I do wish you would have more faith in me, Kain- Oh."

"Naturally, I should have remembered all the humans living in the Dumahim city."

"Oh be quiet. There must be something here."

"At least you are getting a warm welcome."

"Not funny, Kain," Raziel said as he dodged a flamethrower wielding vampire hunter.

Fifteen minutes later, he gave up trying to find anything but more trouble.

"So, to recap, I have got lost, found one health upgrade, and made a stranger cry. How do I leave?"


End file.
